What's the most valuable lesson you've learned in life, and how has it impacted your journey so far?

Dick! I heard about the lay-off. What's a square-jaw crime fighter doing these days to bring in the bling?

Shameless vixen! Trollop!

Remember, kids, masturbation will make you see the devil everywhere!

Can I fix a fridge leak myself, or should I call a pro?

Torchy, we're unemployed … And no one is hiring scantily-clad wastrels these days.

But Tess! I mean Betty! I mean Veronica! (I can never remember who is who) which ever one you are, I love you!

Of all the layoffs, Torchy Todd and her gal pal, Tess Parker, were hit the hardest.

Are evolutionists giving evolution a bad name by claiming humans started off as shrews?

Two letters of transit signed by General De Gaulle … Stimpy, you eediot!

And I ended up moonlighting in Japanese porn, but the less said about that the better.

Only zombies dig to rock and roll, daddy-O!

Why am I sweating so much when I try to do anything?

And then working as Betty and Veronica's body doubles ...

Sex! Lingerie! Knock knock jokes!

At least until the peyote kicks in ...

Can it be true that people know your name, not your story, they’ve heard what you’ve done, but not what you’ve been through, so take their opinions of you with a grain of salt?

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Let's do what we always do, lay around half-naked while men make terrible jokes at our expense.

“Your boyfriend is a total perv, mommy.”

How can one select funeral songs that truly celebrate the essence of a loved one’s life while providing comfort to attendees?

Yes, Tess, crime doesn't pay but apparently Rated-G horror does.

In 1954 complete bastard and censorship campaigner Fredric Wertham published a book for the stated goal of creating a moral panic around comic book's alleged impact on juvenile delinquency. Much like the House Committee on Un-American Activities' disastrous impact on the film industry, the Comics Code Authority (obey, puny humans) put many hardworking comic book characters out of work all because of one poorly written book called …

¡Explotando Dick por todos lados!

Have you worn a tight black mini skirt?

Tess' boyfriend, Ed, now works as a Peter Lorre impersonator.

Make Nazis afraid again!

I hear you're a stunt-double now for Fred in Scooby-Doo.

Why, after a divorce, would one still want to ruin the other one’s life?

Before there was MAGA there was … the Comics Code Authority

Gadzooks! It's Torchy Todd slumming it in Yugoslavian science fiction! The shame!

I've also been making ends meet ... By appearing in Tijuana splatter comics as Evil Gringo #2.

You guys are talking about having sex with dogs. I heard a news man was trying to have sex with a female dog and got stuck inside. Is that possible? How does it feel inside a dog’s vagina?

Every day is a good day to punch a Nazi! I mean MAGA! I mean the Comics Code Authority! (I can never remember who is who)

Ironically, Wertham focused on stories about crime, singling out Batman and Robin for its gay subtext and Dick Tracy for its violence.

Times might be tough … But at least there's one thing we all agree on.

What are the differences between fuzzy, intuitionistic, and paraconsistent logic? Which one is considered the most useful and why?

Marijuana makes Jesus cry!

Speaking of which, poor Cleo Coco has ended up appearing in anti-vice pamphlets.

Torchy thinks: Maybe I could play a gangster's moll since apparently smoking is still seen as wholesome and American.

How can people balance religious beliefs with seeking professional mental health care?

Perhaps now we can explore what being a “gal pal” really means.

Just you, me, in a vat of lime jello, pulling hair, calling each other names …

In order to answer this I came up with a little story that goes like this …

Do you anal play alone?

After you lather me up with that strawberry hand lotion.